Frankbeaton.com

Sure, all that plastic surgery has left you looking a little creepy, and you’re pretty much borderline retarded, but you had heart, kid.

Mandy Lynn, you will be missed.

read comments (0)

The IMDB boards for AMERICA’S MOST SMARTEST MODEL (registration required).

In addition to the show being eleven kinds of awesome, it’s apparently very offensive to stupid people.

I really enjoy the posters who argue against the show’s validity by saying things like “no1 is rly dat stupid dey just acters actin stupid” and of course the ones who immediately turn it into a political thing with gems like “u liberals all make fun of ’stupid’ ppl models got looks an money u just jealous”.

read comments (0)

Never mind that it’s getting a little overused. Or that it’s still too evocative of another TV show.

The fact is, this song should only ever be used to close an act. Never to open one.

Bad choice, Michael Dinner.

read comments (1)

Whoa! An entire show based on making children cry? AWESOME!!

And with my new HDTV service from Comcast, I swear I could see the reflection of the cameraman’s face in every teardrop!

Thank you, CBS!

read comments (0)

So the current nerd opinion seems to be that season two was largely crap, but after getting some new blood in the writers’ room (Drew Goddard! Brian K. Vaughn!), season three came back and kicked some ass. We haven’t watched an episode since we officially got sick of Michelle Rodriguez’s character and stopped watching sometime during season two. However, with the lack of decent HBO shows to look forward to this fall*, we need to get caught up on all our network and basic cable nerdiness. HEROES? Check. BATTLESTAR? Check. Now let’s see what we’ve been missing on LOST.

Just finished re-watching season one. A few thoughts…

– Is it just me, or does every other scene on LOST follow this pattern: Character A attempts to do something nice for Character B. Character B doesn’t react the way Character A wanted him to, so Character A says “Well, fuck you, then!” and goes off to pout in the jungle.

– If you were an alien and LOST was the only exposure you’d ever had to human civilization, you would likely conclude that “con man” was the most common occupation among Earthlings.

– I don’t know what bores me more, Kate episodes on LOST or Helo episodes on BATTLESTAR.**

– Locke is the most interesting thing in any episode.***

– Since Sawyer is forever assigning people nicknames, we felt it was only fair to give him one. Jill calls him “Two-dollar Viggo”, while I prefer “Budget McConaughey”.

– And speaking of Sawyer’s nicknames (”Hey there, Jabba”, “Hey there, Freckles”, “Hey there, third season of TRAPPER JOHN, M.D.”), anyone else notice that he never comes up with one for Michael, even though they’re around each other constantly? I suspect white guilt.

* “TELL ME YOU LOVE ME”? Are you serious? That’s all you have? A bunch of upper-middle-class white people complaining about their sex lives? I was good to you, HBO. I was loyal. And this is how you repay me? I’m sorry. I still love you, but… I just… I just can’t be around you right now, HBO.

*** Except the ones that are about Locke.

read comments (2)

I was done as soon as Rogue used her power-siphoning abilities to steal Storm’s dance moves.

Seriously.

That’s actually what happened. I did not just make that up.

Dance moves.

Swear to God.

read comments (3)

is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen on television. Honestly. I hate blanket dismissals, so I tried really hard to find something likable about it — just one positive thing, you know? Was it well-structured? How was the lighting? Anything.

There’s literally nothing good about it. I was embarrassed for everyone involved.

Peh.

read comments (3)

by how low Reality TV as a whole continues to sink. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse than THE SWAN, a Dutch TV network is now developing a dating show for the “visibly disfigured.”

Via Reuters:

The broadcaster SBS 6 is seeking candidates for its “Love at Second Sight” show due to be launched on February 20.

“Do you have a visible serious handicap and are you looking for a partner?” says an appeal on its Web site.

“The program is a platform for people with such problems to share experiences and feelings in a positive way with the rest of the Netherlands and to show that they are absolutely not pitiful,” the broadcaster said.

My favorite part? The original title of the show was “Monster Love”.

Oh, you humans.

read comments (0)

…but does anyone have a BitTorrent link to the pilot episode of the ROBOCOP TV series? It’s not available on DVD and I’d really like to see it.

Stop laughing. Let me explain.

I love the first movie. Love it a lot. No shame in that — it’s a great movie, right? Fuckin’ A, it is. Everything after the first movie, however, sucked. Sucked hard. After ROBOCOP 3 (which I couldn’t even finish), I dropped the big guy altogether. Never watched the TV show or that miniseries on the Sci-Fi Channel. Never read the comics — not even the Frank Miller ones.

I just bought the DVD of the original movie, so I’ve got RoboCop on the brain right now. Last night, I IMDB’d it to see what else, if anything, the film’s writers may have done since then. Not much, it turns out — a lot of script-doctoring and rewriting, mostly. But one item caught my eye — Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner, the writers of the original film, actually wrote the two-hour pilot for the failed ROBOCOP TV series in 1994, although that was apparently the extent of their involvement with the show. A quick Googling revealed that the pilot script, titled “The Future of Law Enforcement,” was a cleaned-up-for-TV version of the screenplay they’d originally pitched for ROBOCOP 2 in 1989. Neumeier and Miner’s script was rejected by the studio because the producers, a) wanted to go in a “different direction,” and, b) had their hearts set on getting Frank Miller to write the sequel. When I read that the pilot “takes place three years after the events of the original ROBOCOP and completely ignores everything that happened in the sequels,” I decided I needed to see this thing.

So, yeah. If anybody has a torrent link for it, shoot me an email. It will probably suck and I will probably regret having given two hours of my life to it, but it’s worth a try, right?

read comments (1)