Frankbeaton.com

Found via Ivan’s forum.

INT. THE BAT CAVE - THAT DAY

BRUCE WAYNE is standing in front of a mirror, flexing his sculpted, shirtless torso.

BRUCE
Let's do this.

Cue AC/DC's "Back in Black." A series of quick shots show BRUCE gearing up: putting on the boots, slapping on the gloves, a brief glance across those beautiful pecs. Finally, there is no longer BRUCE WAYNE, but BATMAN standing before us.

BATMAN
Back in black.

Pyrotechnics erupt in the distance. Guitar solo.


More…

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I’ll admit I’m a bit more susceptible to hype than most of my snarky, ennui-filled contemporaries, who are all so smart and above it all — but come on. You have to admit that, from this distance, the fall season looks like a family-style plate of awesome-stuffed awesomes with a light drizzle of awesome sauce.

Consider:

New Alan Ball show… about friggin’ vampires!

New David Milch show… about friggin’ Serpico!*

New Joss Whedon show… about, like, brainwashed spies or something!

New JJ Abrams show… also about spies, I think!

Second season of SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES… co-starring Shirley Manson??!??!?!??!?!! (OMGOMGOMGOMG)

Plus new seasons of PUSHING DAISIES, FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS, PSYCH (just discovered this one — thanks, James!), BIG LOVE, HOUSE, and ALWAYS SUNNY.

Holy smokes! My TiVo is going to explode in a shower of beauty and wonderment!!! Should not yours, as well? (Hint: it should.)

ADDENDUM: Commenter ProgGrrl points out that LAST OF THE NINTH, DOLLHOUSE, and BIG LOVE aren’t scheduled to air until (at least) January. Thanks!

* [Okay, JFC was a bit of a disappointment. Fine. But after DEADWOOD I'll pretty much follow that guy anywhere. Besides, the new show is about corrupt NYPD cops in the 1970s. Deep in dude's comfort zone. Milch + cop show + semi-fictional period piece = I'mma watch that shit.]

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* My good friend JH Williams got me the ALIEN QUADRILOGY box set for my birthday, and I have now successfully watched all 4,300 hours of supplemental material. It was all extraordinarily well-produced, but the highlight, oddly enough, is the two-hour making-of feature for ALIEN³. The frankness of the people involved is astonishing. Writers, actors, producers, effects people all openly discussing the disappointment they felt as they were making what they knew was going to be a bad movie. One disaster after another, with plummeting morale all around. It’s a really unique insight into what “plagued by production problems” really means. And, no surprise, it all started when studio executives started rewriting the story to make it more marketable.

* On the insistence of another friend (TWO friends? No way!) I watched the much-lauded Canadian documentary THE CORPORATION and was completely blown away. It’s one of those rare docs that everyone should be forced to watch at least once. It touches on a lot of the themes in Naomi Klein’s work (she’s featured heavily in the film), but goes much further in pursuing its central question: if a corporation really is a “person” according to the law, what kind of person is it? Highest recommendation.

* Albums in heavy rotation right now: Eisley - COMBINATIONS, Various - MARIE ANTOINETTE: ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK, Flight of the Conchords - FOTC, Patton Oswalt - WEREWOLVES & LOLLIPOPS, Spearmint - PARIS IN A BOTTLE

* Fuck you, I happen to *like* M. Night Shyamalan movies. Y’all haters need to quit. For real.

* BOOM BLOX for the Wii is roughly as addictive as Percocet.

* I know I’m late to the party, but has there ever been anything as awesome as THE VENTURE BROS.? I’m pretty sure there hasn’t.

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I was reading the IMDB page for Tod Browning’s 1932 film FREAKS — arguably the scariest movie ever made.

Down at the bottom, in the “Recommended if you enjoyed this title” section, was a link to… THE LIZZIE McGUIRE MOVIE.

Now that’s just mean.

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…has restored my faith in Tim Burton. Excellent movie, perfectly executed.

Mr. Burton, you are hereby forgiven for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

And Mars Attacks!.

And Planet of the Apes.

And— hmm.

Okay, I’m sorry, I just can’t excuse Planet of the Apes. I thought I could, but I can’t. That shit was just awful.

Sweeney Todd is really good, though.

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Anyone else see the premiere of TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES last night?

Anyone else really, really like it?

‘Cause I really, really liked it.

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Apology accepted, Mr. Kring.

Nice.

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Brilliant op-ed piece in the Times today by the co-creator of LOST:

I am angry because I am accused of being greedy by studios that are being greedy. I am angry because my greed is fair and reasonable: if money is made off of my product through the Internet, then I am entitled to a small piece. The studios’ greed, on the other hand, is hidden behind cynical, disingenuous claims that they make nothing on the Web — that the streaming and downloading of our shows is purely “promotional.” Seriously?

Most of all, I’m angry that I’m not working. Not working means not getting paid. My weekly salary is considerably more than the small percentage of Internet gains we are hoping to make in this negotiation and if I’m on the picket line for just three months, I will never recoup those losses, no matter what deal gets made.

Full article.

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Apparently someone put up a billboard in the Ideaspace that reads “TIME TO ‘RE-IMAGINE’ THE WIZARD OF OZ, EVERYBODY! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?”

First it was American McGee’s OZ game, which sadly never happened due to legal issues. Then last month there was the news that Todd McFarlane finally got the green-light to turn his “Twisted Land of OZ” action figure series (the Dorothy remains one of the most disturbing examples of brazen misogyny I’ve ever laid eyes on) into a feature film, possibly to be directed by one Michael Bay. And now we have the trailer for TIN MAN, a six-hour Sci-Fi Channel miniseries starring Zooey Deschanel as “DG” (get it?) and Alan Cumming as “The Scarecrow, Although We’re Going To Call Him Something Else For The Sake Of Cleverness, Like, I Dunno, ‘Rags’ Or Something”.

Eh, maybe it’ll be good. Who knows.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s your WTF? of the day, courtesy of the good people at Sci-Fi. (Keep an eye out for Richard Dreyfus, who, inexplicably, is in this.)

“That’s life in the Oh-Zee”? Are you fucking serious?

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For me, Bravo’s PROJECT RUNWAY has always been the only truly worthwhile reality TV show, the one smart, creative people could enjoy without irony or guilt. The focus on individual creativity, the lack of obvious editorial meddling, and of course, the presence of Tim Gunn (the best TV dad since Cliff Huxtable) all contributed to making it the only RTV series that’s really worth defending — and this coming from me, who’s spent years trying to figure out why anyone gives a shit about High Fashion.

So I was surprisingly excited to find out that RUNWAY is coming back for a fourth season, Tim Gunn and all (there was some question about whether he would return after he went and got his own show). This is good news, if only because it means I get to spend another season annoying Jill with my awful, Nazi Commandant-ish impersonations of Heidi Klum.

Klum: “Von off you vill be IN, und von off you… VILL BE OOOOOOOUUUTZ!!”

(And yes, I realize this makes two posts in a row about fashion-related reality shows. I don’t know what’s happening to me, either.)

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