Frankbeaton.com

Coup de grâce!

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Well, well, well, well.

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En garde, Josh.

“Kill the white people!”

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1. If it hasn’t already happened, an editorial mandate will be issued to all on-air talent, stating that, from this point on, they are only to refer to Obama by his full name: “News from the campaign trail today, as Barack Hussein Obama began his latest…”

2. At least once, Sean Hannity will “accidentally” slip up and say, “Osama– I mean Obama!”

Fifty bucks says both happen before June.

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[My goal is to get all my political ranting out of the way now, before the blogosphere gets even more annoying than it already is.]

Ahem.

Attention well-meaning idealists:

Dennis Kucinich will never, ever be President.

Ever.

Nor should he be.

This is not because his policies are bad (I agree with almost all of them), or because his wife is too pretty, or because there’s a vast, media-run conspiracy to keep him down. It’s because he’s an even more divisive figure than George W. Bush is, and having him as President would do more harm than good. Not entirely his fault, sure — much of the Kucinich-bashing is completely unwarranted, but there’s no point in denying that it’s had an effect. ALL of the right, most of the middle, and a good chunk of the left all think the guy’s a crackpot, and that is never going to change. If you support Kucinich, it means you actually LIKE the increasing polarization of the last eight years — you just wish your side was in charge of it.

It’s sad, but you know what he is? He’s our answer to Pat Buchannan. Extremists love him, but he’s not electable by any stretch of the imagination. If you believe otherwise, you are delusional.

I mean, the teabag thing — that says it all, right? His supporters love that he carries used teabags around in his breast pocket, because it means he’s walking the walk. They find his eccentricities endearing, and indicative of his deep commitment to the issues. Everyone else thinks it makes him look like a fucking mental patient.

There was this girl I knew a few years ago, an environmental activist — spent literally all of her spare time doing volunteer work. Walking the walk. This girl used to keep a tiny shovel in her backpack so she could bury her feces rather than waste water using a toilet. THAT is dedication, my friends. That is believing in your convictions and living by your principals, and I can honestly say that I admire that girl’s commitment to what is undeniably an important cause.

But I sure as shit wouldn’t elect her to public office.

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Please please PLEASE don’t let there be a sudden backlash against Obama just because he’s popular now. This isn’t the new Arcade Fire album, it’s the fucking presidency. It is NOT your sacred duty to declare everyone and everything “overrated” just to prove how discerning your taste is. We get it, you’re a connoisseur of all things. Now shut up and order something, will ya?

I’m delighted Obama won in Iowa. A little shocked, to be honest, but delighted. He’s been my guy since he first announced his candidacy, largely because his health care plan sucks less than the other candidates’ health care plans. The prospect of voting for a corporate shill like Hillary or a disingenuous used car salesman like Edwards doesn’t thrill me at all. I’d vote for either of them over a Republican candidate, but that would be the only reason — that they weren’t Republicans. Obama is the only viable candidate who seems to actually believe in what he’s saying.

Actually, now that I think about it, the same can be said for Mike Huckabee. Granted, what he believes is a little troubling (the leader of a major nuclear power really shouldn’t spend so much time talking about the end of the world), but he really does believe it.

I think that’s what people are voting for this time around: a lack of fakeness.

[Cross-posted from Blogtown PDX.]

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Happy New Year, everybody.

May 2008 turn out a damn sight better than 2007 did.

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